


Crash

by itsmadeofgold



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Community: kradam_kiss, Kradam, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-22
Updated: 2010-06-22
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:01:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmadeofgold/pseuds/itsmadeofgold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A desperate, I-think-we're-dying-so-fuck-it first kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crash

"Shit! Shit!" Kris started yelling out curses when the plane began hitching, and now that it seems pointed toward the earth - _plummeting,_ Adam thinks, the word is _plummeting_ \- his volume is going up and up and he seems unable to stop. Adam is holding his hand in a vice grip, cutting off circulation and possibly breaking bones in both hands but he doesn't think that will matter at all in a very few moments. He would probably be swearing at top volume too if he could make his face muscles move - at the moment they seem locked in a look of horror that he hates to think will be his last expression. Maybe instead of trying to scream he should focus on finding a more attractive face to die in.

"Adam," Kris says in the same shrill, panicked tone that he had just been using to cry out _Jesus, Jesus, Jesus._ Then he pulls Adam's hand in close to his chest, jerking Adam toward him. Adam turns to look at him and their terrified eyes lock.

Adam wants to say something reassuring, and his mouth opens with that intent, but just then the plane seems to level out for just a moment, like it's been caught in an updraft. It wobbles, dipping to one side briefly before resuming its earthbound trajectory. If Adam's stomach hadn't already turned into a bowl of cold soup, it would have leapt into his mouth at the sickening lurching. _Why can't it just be over already?_ he thinks. _Why does it have to take so long?_

"Adam listen," Kris says, somehow breathy and loud at the same time - he has to be loud to make himself heard over the shrieking and crying coming from all points in the cabin. "Adam, Adam, Adam" he says again, like he's stuck in a loop. Then he closes his eyes and snaps them open again, breaking out of it, like he knows he's running out of time and has to get it together. "Listen. I should've told you before, I don't know why I didn't. I'm so stupid. We're out of time now, and we could've... there's so much we could've. Fuck. Shit shit shit. I love you. Fuck, I love you and I'm a moron for not saying it before but I always thought... I thought eventually I _would_ but I was scared to ruin us and didn't want to... didn't want everything to get weird between us and I didn't know if you _wanted_ that from me or not but I always... I always thought it, OK? For a long time now. A very long time. I love you. I love you. I should've been with you. We should've been together. Fuck, _FUCK._ This sucks."

Kris is frantic and the words keep spilling but Adam can't listen anymore. Part of his brain is watching the earth come toward them through the window beside Kris, another part wants to be _really pissed off_ because of COURSE he wanted this from Kris. What the fuck? Of course he did. He thought he was painfully obvious on that point. He thought it showed every time he looked at Kris with the stupid shiny puppy dog look he couldn't find a way to contain. He thought it showed in at least half the songs on his most recent album, which were about loving somebody you can't have and uncertainty and all that angsty emo shit that he really, really had hoped Kris would catch on to because he, _Adam_ , was the one who didn't know what to do or whether he was wanted in that way.

God, between the two of them they're lucky they ever accomplished anything in their lives. The collective stupidity between them is staggering.

Between considering his imminent death and contemplating the idiocy of he and Kris and all the time they wasted, everything that could've been and wasn't, Adam forgets to respond to Kris's confession. Suddenly he realizes that Kris is shaking his hand, tugging on it like a child trying to get his attention. Adam looks back at Kris's face and opens his mouth again, only to find himself again unable to speak.

 _I love you, too,_ shouldn't be so hard to get out. Not like he hasn't said it a million times. Not like he hasn't said it to _Kris_ a few times for Christ's sake, although it admittedly had different meaning then and certainly was under less intense circumstances.

The plane has started making some kind of weird humming noise. Like a _whirr-whirr_ or something and Adam doesn't know what it means but he's got to assume it has something to do with the fact that in about a minute they will be less _Kradam_ and more a blackened cinder on the ground so if he's going to say something he'd better say it fast.

He doesn't have a chance. Just then he feels something on the back of his head - Kris's other hand, he realizes - and then he is being pulled in. When he feels Kris's lips against his suddenly he can't hear anything. The screaming and wailing is gone, the weird airplane-death noise is gone, and there's only the sound of his own heart rat-tat-tat like machine gun fire in his ears. Kris's lips are dry but soft, and Adam presses into them hard. He feels a vibration against his lips and realizes Kris is making some kind of noise; Adam wonders what it sounds like, if it's a whine or a groan or a whimper, but all his ears are giving him is his own heartbeat. Adam brings his other hand around to put on the back of Kris's head, and they are pushing into each other hard, moving frantically, trying to make up for years of lost time and years that will never be in one thirty second kiss and Adam thinks that if he has to die, this isn't the worst way to go.

But still. They could've done so much more.

They are so fucking stupid.

Adam pushes his tongue against Kris's and thinks, _hey, first base,_ and then the plane lurches again, evening out, and Adam wishes it would just stop doing that because these repeated illusions of _not crashing_ are not making the fact that they _are_ going to crash any easier. He decides to stop focusing on that and to just focus on Kris's lips, moving together with his own, open and closed, tongue and then no tongue, hard and then soft, teasing and then crushing. He wants them to be like this, he wants them to be in contact when the end comes. So he just focuses on the kiss, not on the illusion that they are now level, or on the strange feeling of moving _up_ in the sky instead of down.

The kiss seems so long. The urgency starts to drop as they sink into it, like they've both forgotten their circumstances and have nothing more pressing than a really excellent first kiss on their agenda for the day. Like they're not both scheduled to die in a few seconds. Adam feels his muscles unclench just slightly, and then his hearing starts to come back.

What the fuck is that noise? Is that... _cheering?_

He cracks open one eye and shifts it to try to look around without breaking the kiss. Everywhere around him, people are applauding and dancing in their seats and the aisles. He opens his other eye and finally, reluctantly, breaks away from Kris.

Kris's eyes are still closed, his mouth red and open, like he's waiting for Adam to come back, or just wants to maintain his kissing position if this is the end. It's better than curled into fetal position, Adam guesses.

"We're not dying," Adam says, putting one hand on Kris's shoulder and shaking him lightly. His mouth curves into a small smile at the fact that Kris doesn't seem able to hear the jubilation all around him - it makes him feel better to know that he isn't the only one whose senses were scrambled.

Kris opens one eye, then the other, and looks around in a daze, like he's just waking up.

"Uh," he says. "What?"

Adam's smile cracks open into a grin. "We're not dying. Look." He waves his hand, gesturing to the people celebrating all around, and then out the window where the earth is getting farther away, dropping below them. "No crash. Not dying."

"Oh," Kris says, and then is quiet for a moment. Adam watches as his cheeks redden, and then the blush creeps up toward his forehead and down over his neck. Adam rolls his eyes.

"You're embarrassed?"

Kris scowls. "No."

"Would you rather the plane had crashed than have to live with me knowing you love me?"

"No!"

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Why don't you smile, then? We're alive! Check it out!" Adam waves his arms around, wiggling his fingers, shimmying in his seat to illustrate his body's continuing functionality.

Kris does smile. It starts small, around his lips, and then his cheeks pop out like apples and his eyes crinkle up. Adam's heart had just started finally slowing down, but at the sight of Kris's naked joy and relief, it picks up speed again.

"Hey," Adam says.

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too, you know."

Kris sighs, and it sounds like he's been holding that breath for a very long time.

"Good," he says.

"And also? You're stupid."

"I know."

"And I'm stupid."

"I know that, too."

Adam laughs. "You know what I think we should do?"

"What's that?"

"Kiss some more. And then when we land, I think we should go somewhere together and kiss there, too."

"I love that plan."

And they do.


End file.
